Eric Goranson

My wife and I have experienced loss and grief and have watched a number of others work through various types of grief.  Whether losing a job, a child, suffering through an accident; life is full of times of loss, pain, grief, and uncertainty.

Although a deep subject written about exhaustively by a myriad of authors, three things seem true to me and are not talked about much:

1. Everyone is going to experience loss and grief.

The question is how we mitigate risk and how we deal with the physical and emotional fallout when it happens.  Outside of the “don’t-be-stupid” kinds of common-sense decision making, mitigating risk to avoid potential loss is an empty pursuit.  Many people try to sanitize life.  They expend incredible amounts energy wrapping their lives up in bubble-wrap trying to avoid the inevitable.  Many support government regulating everything to prevent anyone from getting hurt.  They miss out on adventure as they seek insulation from potential pain.  They can’t accept the fact that risk is one of the things we are created to take and make life a joy to live.  When loss and grief hit, these people are ill-prepared to work through it.

2. Everyone has brokenness.

Sin comes with brokenness.  We are born into it.  Depravity comes with damage and malfunction.  Those of us who are Christ-followers have an “Old Man” that is riddled with this and a “New Man” that is healed of these things.  We are supposed to put off the old man and put on the new.  This is hard without loss and grief, which leads me to the third truth:

3. Loss and grief do not break people.  Grief exacerbates brokenness.

As we have experienced difficult times along with the side-effects that come with them and as we’ve watching others suffer through grief, I have noticed that there is a big difference between natural pain and unnatural pain:

Some things in life are inevitable and natural.  Death, taxes, disappointment, loss, and grief.  Although part of this fallen world and a result of sin; they are “natural,” inevitable, and are just going to happen.  We are built to withstand these things.  There may be no more painful thing than losing your own child – whether a miscarriage after striving to get pregnant or a teenager dying in a tragic accident; but we are built to work through these things.  Life has loss built in.  Life has grief built in.

Some things in life are unnatural.  Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse are not natural.  When a person is abused by another, especially someone who should be caring for them, these things cause new breaks.  The old man is inherently broken but these kinds of unnatural injuries to our minds and bodies cause breaks that are new and extraordinary.  Often debilitating.  When I say “loss and grief,” I’m not talking about these kinds of unnatural blows to our humanity that must be addressed as brokenness that requires restoration and healing in their own unique ways.

So…what’s my point?

Grief and sorrow as a response to loss is a natural reaction.  Loss is inevitable in some form or another.  Some losses are brutal.  Others are just disappointing.  Either way, there is a process of dealing with these things.  My hypothesis right now, based on my experience, is that loss and grief do not break us.  They don’t create brokenness.  We aren’t damaged by it.  Grief simply dredges up and exacerbates brokenness.  That “old man” becomes harder to put off.  Our “new man” grieves too and is harder to put on.  Cracks in the old man are more visible as grief pours over it and exposes old wounds.

This should be encouraging those grieving and feeling broken.  Although brokenness is there, it can be put off!  If we “embrace the suck” and allow ourselves to grieve as we reach out to God and ask for help putting on the new man, eventually we’ll find that we not only find a new normal in our lives but we have tools and experiences at our disposal unique to our experience and useful for the Kingdom.  God, in time, heals.  Grief doesn’t make us more broken – it should only remind us how beautiful and precious the gift of the “new man” really is.

I had a dream last night that encapsulated a few little moments that shaped my life.  Awkward, embarrassing moments… and disconcerting ones.  Here are a few examples of some true stories from my past:

A Moment of Extreme Hypocrisy

After becoming a believer during my sixth grade year and spending a Summer with my uncle learning about my newfound faith, I came back to school my 7th grade year ready to share my faith with my friends.  Overall, I did a decent job of embracing my new lifestyle and I, generally, had more hope and joy in my life than I did previously.  But I was still a punk kid.  Without any cash.  And I was thirsty.

After spending a number of minutes sharing the Gospel with my classmates at the lunch table, I was extremely thirsty.  Not having any money and being too proud to admit it, I  walked through the lunch line, grabbed a chocolate milk, and walked right out toward the table I was sitting at.  I was busted.  A male teacher in a loud voice called after me: “You had better be paying for that!”  I quickly feigned a lack of a quarter and every intent to borrow one.  After a friend coughed up the requisite coin, I walked back and paid for my milk before making the walk of shame back to my table.   » Read the rest of this entry «

I am confounded by those who write others off.  I don’t think I’ve ever done it in my life. Disagreements, awkwardness, relational struggles, and/or distance? Sure. But to simply write someone off?  Weird.  To those who have written me off: it won’t be reciprocated. I’m always here.

I have friends who, through the awkwardness that comes with conflict they’ve had with mutual friends or family, will no longer engage in a relationship with me.  I have friends who were legitimately hurt by my actions or words and who will not respond to communication or apologies.

I can’t understand it.

Relationships are hard as most good things are.

I’m currently reading “Life Together” by Dietrich Bonhoeffer and this concept reminds me of something he said about human interaction and community:

“Human love has little regard for truth. It makes the truth relative, since nothing, not even the truth, must come between it and the beloved person. Human love desires the other person, his company, his answering love, but it does not serve him.”

He also states his belief that people cannot live in true community and love without coming to each other in love that comes from God.

I think I agree.  One fundamental truth about love is that it believes the best about people, it bears all things, and it is patient.  Human love – the kind that humans are capable of in and of themselves – is incapable of this kind of patient selflessness.

I fail at loving people the way they should be loved as friends or family all the time.  But one thing I have never struggled with is the confounding, downright cruel act of writing people off.  I’ve experienced friends I love break all ties with me because of a disagreement, a lack of proximity, their awkwardness when we experienced great loss, and over doctrinal or worldview differences.

I’m not sure anyone who is pursuing Christ can write off anyone.  There are those who mean to do us harm or those who are foolish and should be avoided.  But even these deserve open arms and unconditional love should they come seeking it in humility.  The cruel sickness that is the abrupt ending of a friendship stings more than it should.  And it stings forever.

Embrace your weaknesses…and then strangle them.  Just don’t try to do it by yourself.  I write these words as a man who is still at the beginning stages of figuring out how to do this.

As a follower of the Scriptures, think about all the exhortations to overcome who we naturally are:

Ephesians 4:17-24 – “…put off…the old man…”

Romans 8:26 – “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses.”

There are many.  I have times when my thoughts and behaviors are just not pleasing to me…let alone a holy Creator.  But how do we overcome our depravity, lack of self discipline, and bad habits?  Embrace them.

I’m not talking about the embrace of acceptance.  I’m talking about the embrace of subjugation.  We all know this.  And we try.  But the emphasis is usually on the most dangerous letter in the English language: “I.”  You cannot do this on your own.  Romans 8 says “the Spirit” also helps in our weaknesses.  So we must, as Ephesians suggests, make a conscious effort to and take ownership of our actions and our issues.  We must embrace our weaknesses and diligently seek God for His help in choking the life out of them.  We must embrace them until He takes them.  We must subjugate our weaknesses with His help.

We don’t conquer a weakness to please God.  We work with God to conquer our weaknesses because that pleases Him.  It’s His work but, for some reason, He seems to want us to seek Him out, participate with Him, and conquer with Him.  Sounds like He’s training us for something bigger…maybe something eternal…

What is the role of friends, family, and the rest of the Church?  Well, that’s probably a series of blog posts.

Ever do something, shake your head, and ask yourself, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

I do.  Frequently.  If you’re honest, you do too.

For me it is often with diet and exercise.  My latest example was today.  I was feeling a bit down after the wife and kids had left the house this morning so, instead of diving into work, I went down and did 79 squats (way too many for my fitness level), plus push-ups, sit-ups, and planks using, mainly, the Runtastic Apps for each exercise.  Speaking of which, when are you going to have Facebook and Apple HealthKit integration, Runtastic?!

After a number of hours of working, I was starting to feel like I was slipping into a funk again.  This isn’t abnormal for me this time of year – especially this year.  Just as I was starting to realize this, I saw that Strava’s update integrating Apple’s Health App was out so I downloaded the update and almost automatically put my shoes on and headed out the door to try it out on a “short jog.”  It was the first time I’d run in two months.

Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I tend to be an all-or-nothing guy.  I’m either ball-to-the-wall or rear-to-the-cushion.  Very little in-between.

I had to stop at 2.5 miles.  My times were meh.  And instead of fighting off feeling depressed, I’m now fighting off the urge to medicate for pain and trying not to get any more introspective than needed.

The moral of the story?  Watch me on MyFitnessPal, Strava, and Runtastic.  Then do something else.  Because I suck at the whole diet, exercise, and overall wellness thing.  I’ll probably be lighter tomorrow…because I’ll have lost muscle mass.  It’s supposed to rain tomorrow…maybe I can avoid hurting myself.

A look back at personal posts can be a healthy way to see where you’ve been and where you are.  I sometimes get a little insight in to where I’m going which can, at times, be both encouraging and scary.

I was telling someone earlier this week about me and my story and this person asked if I had ever written any of this stuff down.  Some.  A little.  Here are some links to posts I’ve written before that sum up my little life:

About Me – Who the heck am I?

The Path of The Fatherless – a little about my childhood.

The Great Anger – the most defining time in my life.

Loving Your Enemy – Something I’m working on.  Enemies aren’t the hardest to love…”frenemies” are.

Christians In Politics – an old post outlining my thoughts on people of faith in the public policy arena.

There are others on this blog and elsewhere on the interwebs.  I hope my experiences in my relatively young life resonate with you in some way.  I don’t post as much as I used to but I am an open book.  You can drop me a line on my “About Me” page any time or leave a comment.  I’d love to hear from you!

My information workflow gets me up-to-speed every morning.  I’ve had a number of people ask me what apps I use, what websites I check, and how I stay on top of things at work.  The answer: I don’t stay on top of things like I would like…there is simply too much information out there.  But with a few good apps and websites, you can get a good big picture for whether the world is still spinning each morning.

Here is a short list of apps and sites I check each day to make sure I’m on top of things and as in-the-know as possible: » Read the rest of this entry «

Senator Rozenboom delivered a great speech on the floor of the Senate this week about their adopted son, life, adoption, policy priorities, and hope!  You can click here to see the whole thing!  This is how the pro-life message is to be spread.  Compassionately and lovingly.  Well done, Senator!

A name only means so much.  As creepy and insightful as numerology and astrology can be, someone’s name can only tell you so much.  For example, take “Eric Goranson.”  No, not me.  This Eric Goranson.  I have interacted with other “Eric Goransons” around the country (there aren’t too many of us) over the years but I do’t know this guy at all.  He came up in a Google Alerts email, though, and I couldn’t resist posting about him.

The guy shoots himself in the chest with a .40 caliber handgun and gets a positive story about donating blood on the local TV station.  Good for him for taking a bad situation and making some good come out of it…maybe we are more alike than I’d like to admit at this point…

I’m going to have to do some digging on other “Eric Goranson” stories.  If I find any, I’ll update this post.  If Dr. Goranson in Oregon reads this, I’d still love to try that wine you make sometime (I’m over 21 now).  I’m also still waiting for Goranson Farms in Maine to reply to my repeated emails over the years about ordering some maple syrup.  If we are related and you live anywhere in Scandinavia and have a place to stay, let me know.  I’ve been looking for a reason to visit the homeland!   I’ll have to make sure my S.E.O. is good on this post.  Maybe they’ll find it.  The internet makes the world small.  😉

Welcome to the newest iteration of ericgoranson.com.  I started this blog over at MobileMe and had this URL pointing at iWeb site.  It’s the only time Steve Jobs ever really let me down.  I thought the service worked fine after the initial and very painful rollout but they yanked my website away from me and switched to a stripped down (albeit very decent) iCloud service.

From there, my blog went to www.ericalan.wordpress.com.  I still have it up.  I’m considering making it my work-only blog where I post thoughts about Iowa politics, public policy, and advice on advocacy and civic engagement.

I still had ericgoranson.com, though, and didn’t want to keep paying for a domain name I was never going to use.  So here it is.  A new home, same boring theme I was using before, but a sweet blend of old skool URL with new-skool WordPress functionality.

Read.  Comment.  Repeat.